I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
