I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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