You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
