The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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