I faked an abortion last night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize