i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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