you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
