I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
