did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
