i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
