WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
