you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
