I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
