im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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