filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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