You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
