I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
