New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
