IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
