i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize