She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
