i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i dont even know how to be here
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
