Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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