yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
