I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
