so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
