oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
