Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize