her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
