Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize