I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
