Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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