So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
