no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Come share oat with me in your robe
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
