all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
