my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Randomize
