That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
