erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
