Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize