dude i'm inner monologue high
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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