Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize