If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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