I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My vagina is very pro this idea
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
