i will never coherently bang her
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
