So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
