you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
