handjob tips. give me some.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
