just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just want to make out with him forever
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
