Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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