those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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