Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize