wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
