You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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