I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Someone signed my nipple.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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