So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
