so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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