would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
