Life is so much better after having sex.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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