one might say we're banned from that church
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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