You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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