Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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