I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
