just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's official drugs can't kill me
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
