I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize