Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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