my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just high enough for therapy.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
