If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
