Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You ruined the universe
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
