Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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