It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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