note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
