Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
