What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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