Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
