Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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