Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
