You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
