This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i came on her dog
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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