I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
