great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
