i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
