get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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