Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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