so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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