i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
