i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Boobs are out for the taking
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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