I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
