After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
grandma shit on top of the toilet
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
