were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize