it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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