just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
