My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
