please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
