How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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