I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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