got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
