he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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