Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
