I think my fart just growled at me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
