I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
