just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I love having hate sex.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
