Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
