It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
