Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
