he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
