I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize