Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I touched a dick in church today
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize