Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He passed out mid-signature
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
