He is such a slut. More and more my type.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize