I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
