If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
