The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
