I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
