Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
