i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
